The Inner Reflections of One Miss Tantomile
by raptoregg64
Summary: Follow Tanto's adventures through high school as she deals with self-image, music, and boys. Just don't let her catch you reading her journal, unless you have a death wish. Bad summary, I know...
1. Chapter 1

**WARNING:** THIS JOURNAL BELONGS TO TANTOMILE. ANYONE READING IT BETTER PUT IT DOWN THIS VERY INSTANT, OR I WILL KILL YOU. THAT MEANS YOU, CORI!

* * *

**Date: **August 30, 2010

**6:30 AM**

Good morning, journal. Rise 'n shine. I'm pretty tired, but since we live a long way from school, Mom made Cori and I get up bright and early. Joy.

In case you can't tell already, journal, it's my first day of school. I would say that I'm excited, or scared, or whatever, but I'm too tired to tell…

Breakfast time. Will write more later.

**6: 50**

Ate breakfast (soggy cornflakes, ick.) Brushed hair, combed teeth- no, combed hair, brushed teeth, that type of stuff. I hate having to wake up so early AAAARGH.

**7:05**

I'm currently sitting outside on the porch while Cori and Dad try to get the car started. (When Dad tried to start it the first time, it made a "chg-chg-whrrrrrrr….kff" noise. Yes, exactly like that. The "kff" was when it refused to start, FYI.)

In the meantime, I might as well write down my schedule and all that junk.

**First Hour: **AP Spanish (yo hablo un poco español…)

**Second Hour: **Algebra (Oh Bast… I'm going to die…)

**Third Hour: **(Monday-Thursday) Swimming (Friday) World History (which will make me die even more... although I woulda thunk that they'd have me doing History more than Swimming... eh. Whatever.)

**Fourth Hour: **Lunch, obviously.

**Fifth Hour: **English

**Sixth Hour: **Biology (At least the day ends on a good note… right?)

So, that's my schedule. And I'm still really tired. And I really wish that- oh, wait, I think the car might be starting up…

**7:06**

False alarm. Again.

**9:24**

We're FINALLY at school. (Well, five minutes from school.) The car kept stalling, so we had to pull over a billion times, and now we're late. How wonderful.

Anyway, I'll write more at lunch, when I have time and am not as tired…

**12:30 PM**

Hola, mi cuaderno! (Yes, I know you aren't a notebook, but I don't know how to say journal in Spanish yet SO THERE.)

I'm feeling a lot perkier 'cause of the food. Even though it's gross cafeteria food and tastes like chlorine because of swimming. (MY LEGS ARE SO SORE. HOW DO SWIMMERS PUT UP WITH THIS?) Anyway, I'm sitting alone at lunch because I FEEL LIKE BEING ANTISOCIAL, DAMMIT.

I really need to stop using so many capitals. And I shouldn't write in pen, either. What if I wrote fu- a swear word, or something, and couldn't erase it? Like I almost did? (Er, almost wrote something?) 'Cause then if Mom or Dad read it or something…

Mom, Dad, if you guys are reading this, I was totally going to say "fudge" up there. But then I couldn't figure out why saying "fudge" would be a bad thing. Fudge is delicious.

Well, chocolate fudge is.

And "dammit" isn't a swear word. It's saying that you think something should be sent to the underworld, or whatever you want to call it.

And if you are reading this, WHY CAN'T YOU OBEY THE WARNING AT THE BEGINNING? SHEESH!

Oooh… there's a really, really good-looking tom over at that table…

… is he walking over here? HE IS. HE'S COMI

**12:35**

… he walked straight past me.

I HAVE SUCH A SUCKY LIFE. The only tom who ever notices me is that creepy perv, Admetus… he's really, really freaky.

I'm sure that Mister Hot Tom isn't nearly as pervy. Even though he's totally gorgeous, and most gorgeous guys are pervs…

Stop thinking about that, Tanto! You must have HOPE! All else fails, you can go with your backup plan of marrying Steven McKellar. Even though there's an age difference. And he isn't as cute as Hot Lunch Tom- no, Mister Hot Tom. Hot Lunch Tom makes it sound likes he's some weirdo who walks around carrying microwaved food 24/7.

I guess I should finish eating my lunch now, journal. Adiós.

**10:30**

Sorry for not writing sooner, journal! After I got home, I played some videogames with Cori (Portal is now my favorite game EVER) and then our parents took us out to an Indian restaurant to "celebrate" our first day of school. Even though I didn't want to celebrate, the food was really good. I had the chicken tikka masala, and although it was really spicy, it was yummy. Mmm…

Anyway, I'm super-tired, so I'm gonna go catch some sleep. Buenos noches!

* * *

**Date: **August 31, 2010

**7:30 AM**

Dad's taking us to school in Mom's car today, and Mom's carpooling to work with a friend. We're getting a mechanic to come look at the car on Sunday. (I really hope he doesn't smell as bad as the last mechanic we hired. I swear, that guy hadn't showered in a month, at least.)

At least I'm more awake than I was yesterday. I'm listening to JoCo right now- have I mentioned that he's my new favorite musician? Yeah, even better than Civil Twilight. (Although I definitely wouldn't marry him. Sorry, Jonathan. I'm marrying either Mister Hot Tom ((whose name I need to find out… or come up with one for…)) or Steven McKellar.)

Okay, journal, I can see you aren't convinced of JoCo's awesomeness. Whatever. I WILL CONVERT YOU MWAHAHAHAHA!

… Cori's giving me weird looks because of my laughing evilly in the car. SCREW YOU, CORI.

Not literally, though. Eeeew. Incest is icky.

Anyway! Three- no, four- things I have to do today:

**One-** Figure out a name for Mister Hot Tom. Or ask him his name. But he didn't notice me at lunch, so I'm kinda nervous to try...

**Two-** Listen to more JoCo. ("Octopus, some kind of oooctopuuuus! Tearing my shell apart, letting the sea get in… you make my insides outside!")

**Three-** Get through the school day.

**Four-** Perform a Self-Evaluation. I meant to do it yesterday, but I forgot.

**More Info on Four- **I've decided that, if I want to find a boyfriend/more friends, I'll have to work on being… I dunno, cooler? Prettier? Whatever. I'm going to do a personal Self-Evaluation at least once a week, and work on making myself prettier and less geeky and stuff. (I'll regret giving up the videogame time with Cori, though… sadface. BUT IT MUST BE DONE IF I WANT TO DATE MISTER HOT TOM.)

I also need to work on my Spanish. Maybe I can arrange a study date with Etcetera, or something. (I'm in Spanish with her. She seems pretty spazzy, but she's also the only person in Spanish that I actually know, so… yeah, I'll get working on that.) Mom keeps bugging me to practice Spanish as much as possible. ("It's different from learning Biology, Tanto," she tells me. "You have to keep practicing it and using your vocabulary as often as you can! It's all about repetition, repetition, repetition!" … she found the fact that she repeated "repetition" funny. … I didn't.)

Well, I'm going to try to find a name for Mister Hot Tom now. I'll talk write to you later, journal.

**8:00**

I have decided that his name will be Leon until I find out his actual name. Leon is a shmexy name for a shmexy tom.

**12:25 PM**

Once again: SO SORE FROM SWIMMING. My food (peanut butter sandwich) tastes like chlorine again. I smell like chlorine. I smelled like chlorine yesterday. I get the feeling that I'll smell like gross, chlorinated water for the rest of my life. I also get the feeling that swimming in chlorine will end up pickling me, or something. Like a mummy- Thutankamun or something.

I'm less antisocial today, and am sitting with Cassie and Exi

HOLY COW ADMETUS IS BEING SUCH A CREEPY PERVERT AGAIN GAAAAAAAAAH.

He was staring at Cassandra, and it was really really _really_ creepy, but she finally noticed him and gave him a Death Glare of epic proportions. He totally deserved it.

Just like he deserved my flicking him off. CREEP.

I really hope nobody's reading this. Especially not Mom or Dad.

Anyway, because we wanted to avoid Creepy Creep McCreepCreep, we got up and went to a different table.

**Random Side Note:** I really wish I had more friends. Even Cassie and Exie think that I'm kinda weird and geeky. (At least, I think they think I am.) I kinda wish I had a group of best friends, like Vicky and Cetty and co.

Ah, well. That's what Project Self-Evaluation is for, right?

Right.

… I need to stop talking writing to myself. Then again, that's what writing a journal is, isn't it…?

Well, I'm going to finish my chlorine-y lunch now. Yummm. (Not.)

**6:00**

I'm back home now, and I'll finish my homework later. Right now it's time for- you guessed it-

PROJECT SELF-EVALUATION!

(Okay, I sound way too happy about that. STOP SOUNDING SO HAPPY, TANTO. And stop writing in capital letters. With a pen. Even though pens make it look so much prettier.)

**6:10**

After standing in front of the bathroom mirror and evaluating myself for ten minutes, I have come up with several problems that I have. I'll organize them into two sections, to make myself feel fancy.

**Physical**

Tantomile isn't a particularly thin girl, and is too heavily-built to be pretty. Her shoulders are too broad, and she doesn't have nearly enough curves. Also, she tends to wear jeans, black t-shirts, and sneakers- which hardly attract any toms. However, it isn't as bad as when she wears her Legend of Zelda shirt (even though that shirt is PRETTY DARN AWESOME.) She should wear horn-rimmed glasses instead of contacts, with a white blouse (preferably with puffed sleeves) and _form-fitting_ jeans. She should also pay more attention to her hair, and use all those special shampoos her mother got her before styling her hair, instead of just washing it and leaving it to dry (or just running a hairdryer through it like she does in winter.)

She will never be able to seduce Leon with the looks she has now.

Never.

**Personality**

Tantomile isn't nearly girly enough, and is too obsessed with videogames and not-mainstream (sidestream?) musicians, such as Civil Twilight and Jonathan Coulton (whom she calls JoCo, for some reason.) She's also too antisocial, organizes things to make herself feel fancy, and is too cynical in regard to some people/events. To fix these problems, she should get rid of all her videogames (although it might force her into videogame withdrawal,) try to stop being so OCD, listen to mainstream music (even if it sounds terrible to her) and hang out more with more "normal" queens, like Etcetera and Jemima.

… I'll put these suggestions into use on Monday. I NEED TO BEAT TWILIGHT PRINCESS FIRST. DAMN YOU, GANONDORF!

… Ahem. I'm going to go finish my homework now, then I'm off to bed.

Buenos noches, mi cuaderno.

(Yes, I still don't know what journal is. So sue me.)

**~TJ~**

**This is really fun! ^_^ I meant to get the first two chapters done today, but didn't have time with school and whatnot. ;A; Anyway, it's great to be able to write something where I don't have to worry about describing things (which I always forget to do well) and not using too many capital letters and whatnot. And I'm really excited about being part of a group project with such cool people. ^_^**

**Did you like it, or no? Please review and let me know!**

**P.S. I don't own Cats, Civil Twilight (including Steven McKellar) or Jonathan Coulton (also known as JoCo, also known as the guy who wrote Re: Your Brains and Still Alive, which extreme videogame geeks like me and Tanto will recognize as Portal's ending credits.)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Date: **September 1, 2010

**7:30 AM**

Taking Mom's car to school again. I really, really wish we didn't live so far from school. If we lived closer, I could take the bus, and NOT HAVE TO WAKE UP AT SIX THIRTY. And maybe I'd make some friends by riding on the bus, instead of having to spend my weekends alone with only my Companion Cube, Midna, and Coricopat for company.

Oh, wait, I don't have my Companion Cube for company, because I WAS FORCED TO INCINERATE HIM WAAAAAAAAAH.

Anyway, Portal rants aside, nothing terrible has happened so far today. Then again, it's only seven thirty, so I'm not going to get my hopes up.

… it's kind of sad that two of the people on my list of "people I spend the weekends with" are videogame characters.

… and one of those videogame characters is actually an inanimate object…

I DON'T CARE IF THEY'RE VIDEOGAME CHARACTERS OR NOT. CUBEY IS STILL AWESOME.

**9:00**

Our Spanish teacher wants us to write something in español about ourselves. So I'm just going to write it in you, journal. Hope ya don't mind.

AHEM.

Hola. Me llamo es Tantomile (which the Spanish teacher pronounces Tan-to-mee-lay for some reason… UGH. Anyway, write in Spanish, Tanto! WRITE IN SPANISH!) Yo soy quince años. Tengo un hermano, Coricopat. Yo estudio español. No me gusta la escuela. Yo soy no hermosa.

… I can't think of anything else to write… other than:

No me gusta el profesor de español.

Me gusta Jonathan Coulton, Civil Twilight, y Leon.

And, because I just know that I won't be able to remember what the hell any of that means on Friday, I'm going to write a translation. (See, Mom? I _can_ plan ahead!)

"Hello. My name is Tantomile. I am fifteen years old. I have one brother, Coricopat. I study Spanish. I do not like school. I am not beautiful.

I do not like the Spanish teacher.

I like Jonathan Coulton, Civil Twilight, and Leon."

… I can totally do this Spanish thing.

**12:30 PM**

I'm going to skip the "GAH SWIMMING CHLORINE ARGH" rant today, and just say that the cafeteria food's taste might actually be _enhanced_ by the chlorine. At least, in the case of what-I-think-is-supposed-to-be-macaroni. (It's hard to tell for certain.)

Leon's sitting a few tables away from me. I've decided, among other things, that he looks sort of like what would happen if Plato got Misto pregnant.

… wait, no, that just conjured to mind a pregnant Misto. I DON'T NEED THAT MENTAL IMAGE.

What I meant was that his face looks kind of like Plato's, but he's all black-and-white, like Misto. He doesn't look at all like man-baby Misto.

… I'm beginning to scare myself. I should probably get off of this subject BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE. (Cue dramatic music.)

Anyway, for anyone who might be reading this (A.K.A. CORI,) I have a message.

… there's a creepy doll right behind you.

MADE YA LOOK. HA! NOW STOP READING MY JOURNAL!

Hey, I just noticed that Victoria isn't with all her friends right now! (No, I'm not secretly stalking them… I just vaguely follow what's going on with them… it ISN'T STALKING. It isn't like I follow them around everywhere. That's like something ADMETUS would do. And I'm not nearly as creepy as Admetus.

… right?)

… how did I get to this subject, anyway? I'm so random sometimes…

I'm going to shut up and eat my chlorine-enhanced, maybe-macaroni now, journal. I'll write more later.

**9:00**

I hate having so much homework. I only just got done with all of it, and now mom says I have to go to bed so I can be ready for school tomorrow…

I wish it was the weekend.

* * *

**Date: **September 2, 2010

**9:45**

I'm in Algebra right now. Don't tell the teacher I'm writing in class.**  
**

ME NO GUSTA LAS MATEMÁTICAS.

So… many… letters… AND ALL OF THEM MEAN NUMBERS. Besides, if I wanted to know Anne's age, I would just ask her, instead of going, "Well, five years ago Anne was twice Joan's age, and Joan is three years younger than Katie…"

I hate math.

**12:45 PM**

Aren't you proud of me, journal? I actually ate lunch before writing in you this time!

Well, it seems like Cetty and Victoria are sick today. Or Vicky is, at least. I saw Cetty in Spanish today- maybe she isn't feeling so great, so couldn't come to lunch? I dunno.

… is it creepy that I'm calling her Cetty even though I've only talked to her, like, twice?

Ah, well.

… not much else to report right now, other than the usual "food-tastes-like-chlorine" stuff.

… wait a minute… could it be… is Leon actually coming over to me? (Whoah, that rhymed!) Ahem. Even though I look really dorky in my black t-shirt with "THE CAKE IS A LIE" printed on the back, sitting all by myself?

I think he is! I'm going to stop writing now, journal, and try talking to him. Wish me luck!

**12:50**

… our conversation went something like this.

Me: Hi.

Leon: Hi. I think I left my Spanish dictionary over here. Have you seen it anywhere…?

Me: Oh, yeah. Here it is.

[I give him his dictionary.]

Leon: Thanks.

[Leon walks off. I open my mouth to call after him, ask him his name- but I chicken out at the last second.]

… life sucks sometimes, journal.

**11:40**

I'm still kind of depressed because of the encounter with Leon. I ate a bunch of ice cream after dinner because of it. I'm actually supposed to be asleep right now- everyone else thinks I'm asleep- but I just can't… well, sleep! I keep thinking of Leon's oh-so-seductive voice, and… wait a minute...

… Bast, that sounded really cliché.

Anyway, I really wish that I had been able to ask him his name, y'know? It's kind of disheartening.

I'm going to try and get some sleep again, journal. Buenas noches…

… I hope tomorrow's better than today was.

* * *

**What's this? I actually wrote a chapter that was only 27 words away from being 1,000 words long! *feels proud* I suck at writing long chapter sometimes.**

**Anyway! Read, review, and all that jazz. :)  
**


	3. Chapter 3

**Date:** September 3, 2010

**7:30 AM**

I have finally decided on a name for you, journal. Your name shall be…

… CUBEY.

Short for Companion Cube, in honor of my dear, departed videogame-friend. But don't worry, Cubey- I won't incinerate you. After all, you don't talk and won't threaten to stab me… right?

… I'm way too obsessed with videogames.

… and I'm way too tired to think straight.

**8:45**

Hola, Cubey. I'm in Spanish, and I just wanted to let you know that I'm going to go talk to Etcetera now, and ask her if she wants to study with me. Even though I still feel really dorky in my dorky-dork T-shirt.

Wish me luck!

**8:50**

YES! Cetty agreed to have a study date with me! Maybe I'm not such a bitter, unlikeable loner whose passing shall not be mourned, like GLaDOS said. TAKE THAT, GLaDOS!

Ahem. I did not just yell at a videogame character.

Nope.

**12:30 PM**

What's this, Cubey? I- I don't smell like chlorine for once! YAAAAAAY! I love you, World History. You prevent my Friday lunch from tasting like chlorine.

Maybe I'll go ask Leon what his name is now. After all, I seem to be doing pretty well with the whole "socialization" thing today.

Yeah. I'm going to go ask Leon his name now.

I can do this.

I think.

**12:40**

I went over to his table, and our conversation went like this:

Me: … hi.

Him: Hi. You're Dictionary Girl, aren't you?

Me: Er… yeah. Although most people call me Tantomile.

Him: Oh. I'm Larry.

[… WHAT?]

Me: … oh… er… nice name.

[I was lying through my teeth. THROUGH. MY. TEETH.]

Larry/Leon: Thanks. You have a nice name, too.

Me: … thanks…?

[A ginger queen walked over to us then, and sat down next to Larry/Leon.]

Ginger [to L]: Hey, babe.

L: Hey there, sweetheart. [to me] Well, it was nice to meet you Tantomile.

Me: … nice to meet you, too… Larry.

[I walked away.]

I'M SO DEPRESSED NOW. NOT ONLY IS LEON'S NAME LARRY_,_ WHICH MUST BE THE LAMEST NAME EVER_,_ BUT HE'S GOT A GIRLFRIEND!

I hate my life.

**Random Side Note:** Today is terrible. Today needs a theme song. Today's theme song will be Octopus by- wait, NO. Today's theme song will be Still Alive, by JoCo.

"_I'm not even angry-_

_I'm being so sincere right now-_

_Even though you broke my heart and killed me…_

… _AND TORE ME TO PIECES._

_And threw every piece into a fire._

_As they burned, it hurt because I was so happy for you…"_

**6:00**

I'm feeling somewhat less depressed now, mainly because of my study date with Cetty. It was actually pretty fun, even though her Spanish isn't great, and she was trying to inflate these sparkly balloons for some reason…

… eh, whatever. We shared a slice of cake that her mom made. It was yummy, despite being a lie.

Cetty invited me over again for another study date on Monday. This makes me happy. (It also makes Mom happy that I'm being social. Dad just seems to think I'm lesbian. He also thinks that Cori's gay. Then again, Cori does do ballet…)

I'm going to go do my homework now, Cubey. Write to you later.

**10:30**

Hey there, Cubey. I forgot to mention earlier that Cori got a hair cut today. Maybe people will actually be able to tell us apart now. It's really irritating when people think that I'm Cori and he's Tanto…

… I wish I was prettier. THIS IS WHY I SHOULD WEAR SKIRTS MORE OFTEN.

But not around Admetus. He'd probably act creepy and try to pull them up, or something.

Creeepy Admetus…

Well, Cubey, I'm off to bed now! Tomorrow, I will decorate you to look like your namesake!

Buenos noches!

**Date: **September 4, 2010

**8:30 AM**

Good morning, Cubey! It's nice not having to wake up at 6:30 for once! Of course, it means that Cori gets up earlier than I do and hogs the controller, but whatever.

Speaking of Cori, he's been annoying me for the past fifteen minutes.

I'm trying to ignore him. Maybe he'll get bored and go away.

Anyway! I'm going to decorate you now, Cubey, so you look all prettiful and Companion Cube-like.

**8:50**

Your makeover is complete! You now look like a Companion Cube, except for the fact that you're a "rectangular prism," as my Algebra teacher likes to call it, not a cube. But it doesn't matter! You look awesome.

**12:30 PM**

_CORI_. SHUT. THE. HELL. UP!

**12:35**

Vengeance is sweet. I told Mom and Dad about Cori annoying me (well, it was more like I couldn't take it anymore and yelled at Cori, attracting the attention of mi madre, but still…) so he's getting in trouble.

NO MORE HOGGING THE CONTROLLER FOR YOU, MISTER FANCYPANTS.

… I just got "Mr. Fancy Pants" stuck in my head.

**9:00**

… nothing much to report here, Cubey, except for the fact that I'm kinda sad again over Leon. I'm thinking of just giving up Project Self-Evaluation- after all, Cetty seems to like me even though I'm a complete dork, and I don't have a snowball's chance in hell with Leon now…

(… yes, I'm still calling him Leon.)

* * *

**This chapter is dedicated to JellicleJuggalo, for suggesting that Leon's name should be Larry. :)**

**Anyone who gets all the JoCo/Portal references gets a cookie.**

**And I just gotta say now that this is SO MUCH FUN. It's great being part of such a big, group thing with all these cool people, so... yeah. :D Thanks, Nekosoda, for coming up with the idea!**

**Please R&R.  
**


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